I don’t know about you, but I got a lot of confusing messages when I was growing up. For instance, I was given the “pride goes before a fall” speech, and then, a short time later, punched between the shoulders and told to stand tall so I could take pride in how I looked.

Then there were the confusing messages around feelings. There were right upset feelings and wrong upset feelings. I could be angry when a neighborhood child mistreated me. That was standing up for myself. But I couldn’t be angry when I felt mistreated by a family member.

I was praised for answers that supported the beliefs held by my parents. But punished when I disagreed with them. At school, I was rewarded with a good grade when my answers agreed with the book. But punished with a bad grade when my thoughts went a bit off track from the track the book took.

The confusion of what is right and what is wrong carried over into nearly all areas of my life. So, as an adult, I have had to do a lot of sorting through feelings, ideas, and actions to see what was worth keeping. But to do that, I had to first have some standard of value for comparison. That presented a dilemma. Do I just pull one out my head? Or do I borrow a standard from someone I respect?

I tried a combination of both. But I soon realized that I had to go beyond feelings and ideas to find what fit my Spirit. It has been a continuous journey of discovery, but a worthwhile one.

Even though I am not recommending that my journey be yours, I will share mine. It started when I got out of a life draining marriage. We both were trying to live by the rules given by outside sources; it was a no-win situation. I began to step away from the hand-me-down rules I grew up with. I even discovered a way of eating that fit me better. At first, I would mimic someone I felt was healthier than me. But even that would never feel totally comfortable in my body.

So finally, I took an inward journey to find the true me by listening to the loving instruction of my Spirit. I began meditating, not to find answers but to find me. And in so doing, I found that interaction between people’s spirits is a much better guide to relationships than trying to sort out the confusing messages that our life’s programming tries to interject.