by Jackie Woods
Have you ever gone on a safari looking for hidden feelings behind the words of others? Well, I have, and it was most interesting. I found them hiding behind humor, politeness, and silence. And if you are looking for a good cover, humor, politeness, and silence will work. However, honesty, sharing, and love are more productive.
For you see, honesty opens the door to real sharing, which can end in your hearts resonating love. Letting your feelings lead you to love is a goal most people would like to achieve. But for that to happen, you have to be willing to fully step into the watery feeling space and wade through it to reach the shore of love. And that can feel treacherous. So we oftentimes prefer to hide our feelings.
The danger in hiding your feelings is that you begin to believe the coverings used, such as humor, politeness, and silence, to be the real you. These feeling walls hide such feelings as insecurity, anger, or guilt. And if you hide them enough, they get pushed to the back of your consciousness. You then start believing you are being funny instead of dishonest. Or you convinced yourself that staying silent when someone insults you means you are a more evolved person than they are. And the part of you that used politeness to tone down your hurt feelings, will pat you on the back for handling the situation so well.
Even though the “pretend you” might feel more solid than the “feeling you,” refusing to step in the watery space of your feelings will keep you from ever finding firm footing with someone on the other side of pretend. The unspoken feelings will pile up between the two of you. And after a while, there will be no real relationship space. So when tempted to pretend, keep in mind that love can only enter real spaces.
Yes, I have both kinds of interactions, but I only have one kind of relationship. In fact, I have worked to lessen the number of pretend interactions, because safaris are always better with a real partner.